just tell him i said nine months
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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