toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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