im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
