Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
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just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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