DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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