I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
