Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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