I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
