absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
