sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
