"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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