Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
its liver damage thursday
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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