the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
