wrigley field is MILF paradise
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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