So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
