People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
