the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
should my penis look like a turkey
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
