She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
