the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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