dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
