oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize