Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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