Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
