We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
