I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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