I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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