He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
