How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
