It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
