I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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