I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
