I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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