The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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