And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
