So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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