FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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