Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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