Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
