so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
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after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize