Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
