Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
