a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
