You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
