well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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