me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
