Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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