I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize