i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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