the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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