When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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