the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
