obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
