youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Pants are for mortals
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
