and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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