apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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