He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize