well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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