dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
