some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
