make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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