She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
did i just pee glitter
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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