why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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