worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
