Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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