I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
