Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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