She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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