stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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