Dual....:-)
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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