You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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