sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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