hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
