yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
