Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
