she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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