k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
love makes seman taste better
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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