no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
