One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
