her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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