I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
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I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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