when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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