the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
