She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
