is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
